“During summer vacation, you get to do all your favorite things; cook hot dogs over a campfire (while being eaten alive by mosquitoes).”
– Bruce Lansky
"Pollen- when flowers can't keep it in their plants"
"I'm happier than a seagull with a french fry"
“Sunshine and happiness go together like fish and chips!”
― Catherine Pulsifer
“Spring is when you feel like whistling, even with a shoe full of slush.”
– Doug Larson
"Thirty ways to shape up for summer. Number one: eat less. Number two: exercise more. Number three: what was I talking about again? I’m so hungry"
– Maria Bamford
“It’s a sure sign of summer if the chair gets up when you do.”
"I don't tan. I burn"
“If summer had one defining scent, it’d definitely be the smell of barbecue.”
— Katie Lee
"I need summer to be longer so I have more time to do nothing"
“July is a blind date with summer.”
– Hal Borland
If I don’t make it to heaven, at least I know what hell feels like with this heat!”
― April Mae Monterrosa
“If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?"
– Steven Wright
“Let a man walk ten miles steadily on a hot summer’s day along a dusty English road, and he will soon discover why beer was invented.”
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
“When I figured out how to work my grill, it was quite a moment. I discovered that summer is a completely different experience when you know how to grill.”
— Taylor Swift
“It is a grave error to assume that ice cream consumption requires hot weather.”
- Anne Fadiman
It's almost Summer! Time to find out what my friends with swimming pools have been up to since last summer...
"I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summer"
Summer should get a speeding ticket
“Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability.”
– Sam Keen
"I like swimming in a sun shirt. People always look at me like I fell in the pool"
– Jim Gaffigan
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
- Steve Martin
"Went outside today. Very hot. There were bugs. Zero stars, would not recommend"
“A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawnmower is broken.”
– James Dent
“A little bit of summer is what the whole year is all about.”
– John Mayer
“Summer bachelors like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be.”
– Nora Ephron
“Summer is the annual permission slip to be lazy.”
– Regina Brett
"Summer does mean no school for my children. Hey, who doesn’t deserve a three-month break after a rigorous year of kindergarten?"
– Jim Gaffigan
"Taking a dog named Shark to the beach is a bad idea"
"It's unsticking-your-thighs-from-a-plastic-chair season"
“Working is bad enough in the winter, but in the summer it can become completely intolerable.”-
“Summer vacation: where you drink triple, see double and act single.”
“I believe someone made a grievous mistake when summer was created; no novitiate or god in their right mind would make a season akin to hell on purpose. Someone should be fired.”
― Michelle Franklin
“Yes, I deserve a spring – I owe nobody nothing."
– Virginia Woolf
“Do what we can, summer will have its flies.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Heat, ma'am! It was so dreadful here that I found there was nothing left for it but to take off my flesh and sit in my bones.”
- Sydney Smith
“The most obnoxious thing in the world is to listen to others drone on about how much they love the heat.”
"Summer- the time when parents realize how underpaid teachers actually are"
“A lot of parents pack up their troubles and send them off to summer camp.”
– Raymond Duncan
“Vacation is that time when you wish you had something to do while doing nothing.”
“I’m glad it’s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.”
“The average vacation is one-tenth playing—nine-tenths paying.”
“Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.”
“The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.
– Mark Twain
“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’”
– Robin Williams
“Good weather all week, but come the weekend, and the weather stinks. When the weather is too hot, they complain; too cold, they complain; and when it’s just right, they’re watching TV.”
— Rita Rudner
Summer is like the ultimate one-night stand...hot as hell, totally thrilling, and gone before you know it.
"The only b.s I need is bikini and sandals"