“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
- Douglas Adams
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
“A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.”
– Tom Lichtenheld
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
"A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places."
– Tom Lichtenheld
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
"Like gum to a shoe, you’re stuck with me and I’m stuck with you."
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
"Being on vacation with my family has brought me so much closer to my iPad."
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
“It’s my car now, but as soon as it’s fixed, it’ll be my daughter’s again.”
– Jeff Stahler
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest