Funny QuotesJoke Generator

The funniest quotes that have made us laugh for years, plus some more modern ones...

"I'd like to connect with nature but there's no USB port" - Dan Masso
"Going on a hike is like having your car break down but on purpose."
- John Lyon
"Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs."
- Fran Lebowitz
"My idea of camping is falling asleep on the couch with the window open."
- Clarke Kant
"Camping is a humanitarian effort to help feed hungry mosquitoes."
- Melanie White
"I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel."
- Fran Lebowitz
“When asked about my hiking plan I answered “Let’s summit up”.”
“Some people walk in the rain; others just get wet.” – Roger Miller
“I bought a new jacket for a hiking trip. It’s called a trail blazer.”
“Did you know the actual difference between hill and hell is just a fine line?”
“Climbing to the top of the mountain is fun, but everything is just downhill from there.”
“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.” – Frank A. Clark
“Hiking is just walking where it’s okay to pee.” – Demetri Martin
“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.” - Steven Wright
“Hiking—much like drinking—is something that sounds more fun to the uninitiated than it actually is.” – Mindy McGinnis
“What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die of course. Literally sh** myself lifeless.” – Bill Bryson
“If the winter is too cold and the summer is too hot, you are not a hiker.”
“To hike is to complain.” – Dean Johnston
“Hiking is the only slightly less ugly stepsister of running.” – Lindy Hughes
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned from hiking, it’s that the early bird gets the face full of spider webs.”
“Mountains have a way of dealing with overconfidence.” – Hermann Buhl
“There. Right there is where you lost your darn mind!”
“I don’t get it. The trail looked so flat on the map.”
“Where are we? About halfway…to somewhere.”
"The closer you are to nature the further you are from idiots.”
“You are as helpful as a blister on a hike.”
“At some point in life, the world’s beauty becomes enough.”
“I chose the road less traveled and now I don’t know where I am.”
“I just wanna kick it in the woods with my birches.”
“Sleeping bags are the most soft tacos of the bear’s world.”
“Always hike with someone in worse shape than you. The bears out there will know.”
“When life gives you mountains, put those boots and start hiking.”
“I might look like I am listening to you, but in my mind, I am hiking.”
“Camping is not a date; its an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home.”
“Bring a compass. It’s awkward when you have to eat your friends.”
"There's always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it's just not being a turkey." -Unknown
“Thanksgiving is a lot like Christmas, except you don’t get any presents for holding in your familial rage.” -Unknown
“Thanksgiving: Bringing out the best in family dysfunction since 1863.” -Unknown
"The Thankstini: A fun and delicious new novelty drink I invented. Cranberry juice, potato vodka, and a bouillon cube. Tastes just like a turkey dinner." -Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
"Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line." -John Lyon
"The turkey. The sweet potatoes. The stuffing. The pumpkin pie. Is there anything else we can agree so vehemently about? I don't think so." - Nora Ephron
“Have leftover Eggo waffles from your Eleven Halloween costume? We’ll show you how to make it into Thanksgiving stuffing. After the break.” — John Mayer
“You know, maybe this will be a good Thanksgiving. Just us and the kids. You cook and I’ll watch football with my pants open all day.” — Ray Romano, “Everybody Loves Raymond”
“Do you think Abe Lincoln would have declared Thanksgiving a national holiday if he knew it would mean the Lions play every year?” — Conan O’Brien
“Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight.” — Yogi Berra
“New pick-up line to try today: “Hey, are you a turkey? Because I want to gobble you up and then fall asleep.” — Rebel Wilson
“Did you nap after eating the Thanksgiving meal? Or did you pass out like you were shot by a tranquilizer gun?” — Jim Gaffigan
“I’m giving thanks that we don’t have to go through this for another year.” — Adele Larson, “Home for the Holidays”
“In honor of Hanukkah falling on Thanksgiving, I am going to spend dinner feeling guilty about everything I have to be thankful for.” — Conan O’Brien
“Thank you, the day after Thanksgiving, or as the makers of sweatpants call it, 'the busy season.'" — Jimmy Fallon
“Happy Thanksgiving!!! Or as I like to call it: Cheat Day.” — Hugh Jackman
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