"I love you more than coffee but not always before coffee." - Unknown
"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby."
- Natalie Wood.
"True love is singing karaoke 'Under Pressure' and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part." Mindy Kaling
"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." — Albert Einstein
“A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.” - Phyllis Diller
"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." - Chris Rock
"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
- Joan Crawford
"Oh, here's an idea: Let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all." - Jimmy Fallon
"Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses."
- Thomas Dewar
"There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach." — Barbara Hower
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." ― Sharon Stone
"As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: you can be right or you can be happy."
- Ralphie May
"When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life."
- Richard Lewis
“I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!” - Jenny Han, 'To All the Boys I've Loved Before'
"A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones." — Cher
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
"What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds."
- Cindy Garner.
"They say true love hides in every corner. I must be walking in circles." - Unknown
"I love love, and I’m very hopeful and was raised on all the fairy tales everyone else had. I just noted that everyone’s mom was dead and real princesses get beheaded, so I just have a more realistic take on it."
- Amy Schumer
"You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories." — Melanie Clark
"You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps." - Roseanne Barr
"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me." Garry Shandling
“I was like, 'Am I gay? Am I straight?' And I realized... I'm just slutty. Where's my parade?” — Margaret Cho
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts
"Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one." — Benjamin Franklin
"People should fall in love with their eyes closed."
- Andy Warhol
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry." — Rita Rudner
"Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing."
- Natasha Leggero
"My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning."
- Ray Romano
"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on." — Joan Rivers
"Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."
- Pauline Thomason
"You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale." — Hussein Nishah
"I love you in a way that's nauseating to others."
- Unknown
"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy."
- Bob Hope
"I went home with this French guy ’cause he said something adorable, like, ‘I have an apartment.’" — Amy Schumer
"Love is a lot like a toothache. It doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there."
- George Burns.
"If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools."
- Katherine Mansfield
"Love is an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." - Jules Renard
"Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore." — Bree Luckey
"I miss crawling into a man’s arm, kissing his neck, saying those three little words into his ear, 'And another thing ...'” — Felicia Michaels
"I went out with a guy once who told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, 'I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.'"
- Chelsea Handler
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” - Jerry Seinfeld
"Love thy neighbor, just watch out for thy husband." - Unknown
"Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest."
- Professor Irwin Corey
"The bravest thing that men do is love women." — Mort Sahl
"Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight." – Phyllis Diller
"A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days." Tim Allen
"If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire."
- George Carlin
"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met."
- Steven Wright
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