"There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met - goodbye."
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
"The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you."
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so were you... but now the roses are wilted the violets are dead the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
We should make like your parents and split.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
I think we need to become better strangers.
"Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you"
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
"Roses are red, violets are blue. We're breaking up beacause I never loved you."
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
You are so right. And I am so left.
"You deserve better and so do I."
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
Can we still share a netflix account?
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
"It's not you...it's your taste in music"
I really like you. So does my wife.
Girl: Want to see a magic trick?
Boyfriend: Sure.
Girl: Poof you're single.
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
"It's not because I don't like you, it's because I hate you."
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made my life a mess
Please call a clean-up crew
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
"Hey babe, you heard of the movie 'Other people?'"
"Yeah, why?"
"I think we should see it."
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
"Maybe this is not the right time for us"
Go to BabaMail
