Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
"It's not me, it's you!"
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
"I'll always remember last night, but I think we can forget about tomorrow."
If you take the "L" out of LOVER. Its OVER.
"Our relationship is like a fat guy."
"What?"
"It's not working out."
Do you happen to know sign language? Because this is the last time you’ll hear from me.
"Really, our time together has just become more effort than you're worth."
"You're perfect in every way, just not for me."
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
"There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met - goodbye."
"Roses are red, violets are blue. We're breaking up beacause I never loved you."
I think we need to become better strangers.
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
Girl: Want to see a magic trick?
Boyfriend: Sure.
Girl: Poof you're single.
"You deserve better and so do I."
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
"I wish I could say you were the most special person in the world, but you're not."
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
"I took a gamble and chose you, now i believe I made a bad bet."
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
"Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?"
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