You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
"I wish I could say you were the most special person in the world, but you're not."
"Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?"
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
"Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you"
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
"You're perfect in every way, just not for me."
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
I really like you. So does my wife.
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
"Maybe this is not the right time for us"
"Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?"
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
"Our relationship is like a fat guy."
"What?"
"It's not working out."
Boy: Want to hear a joke?
Girlfriend: Sure.
Boy: Our relationship.
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
The Best Break Up Lines
Want to know a joke? Our relationship.
We should make like your parents and split.
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
"Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, now so are you."
"Roses are red, violets are blue. We're breaking up beacause I never loved you."
"I just can't take the bad lovemaking anymore".
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
Girl: Want to see a magic trick?
Boyfriend: Sure.
Girl: Poof you're single.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
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