You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
"Look, our relationship is like doing push ups on your knees. It's just not working out"
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
"Hey babe, you heard of the movie 'Other people?'"
"Yeah, why?"
"I think we should see it."
"You're perfect in every way, just not for me."
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
"It's not because I don't like you, it's because I hate you."
You looked better when I was drunk.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
"Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, now so are you."
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
"The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you."
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
"My cat doesn't like you."
"Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab."
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
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