Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
I really like you. So does my wife.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
"Hey baby, are you being followed? Because I've been seeing people behind your back."
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
You look like my future ex wife.
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
"The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you."
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
You looked better when I was drunk.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
"I took a gamble and chose you, now i believe I made a bad bet."
"There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met - goodbye."
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
"Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, now so are you."
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
Do you happen to know sign language? Because this is the last time you’ll hear from me.
"This isn't easy and neither are you. I'm breaking up with you."
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
"Our relationship is like a fat guy."
"What?"
"It's not working out."
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