Girl: Want to see a magic trick?
Boyfriend: Sure.
Girl: Poof you're single.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
"Maybe this is not the right time for us"
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
"There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met - goodbye."
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
I really like you. So does my wife.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
"I took a gamble and chose you, now i believe I made a bad bet."
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
"Really, our time together has just become more effort than you're worth."
Boy: Want to hear a joke?
Girlfriend: Sure.
Boy: Our relationship.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
"It's not you...it's your taste in music"
"We are like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it."
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
"Roses are red, violets are blue. We're breaking up beacause I never loved you."
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so were you... but now the roses are wilted the violets are dead the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
"I treated this relationship like my diet, one cheat day a week."
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
"Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you"
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