Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
"You deserve better and so do I."
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Do you happen to know sign language? Because this is the last time you’ll hear from me.
"I wish I could say you were the most special person in the world, but you're not."
"I just can't take the bad lovemaking anymore".
"Really, our time together has just become more effort than you're worth."
"Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, now so are you."
You looked better when I was drunk.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
"This isn't easy and neither are you. I'm breaking up with you."
"If it's meant to be it's meant to be....but just to be clear it isn't."
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
"Our relationship is like a fat guy."
"What?"
"It's not working out."
"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
"I'll always remember last night, but I think we can forget about tomorrow."
My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
"There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met - goodbye."
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
"I took a gamble and chose you, now i believe I made a bad bet."
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
"It's not because I don't like you, it's because I hate you."
"We are like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it."
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
"Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you"
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
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