Girl: Want to see a magic trick?
Boyfriend: Sure.
Girl: Poof you're single.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
Girl: Your ex is so attractive
Boy: Which one?
Girl: ME. Goodbye.
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
"Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab."
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
We're donion rings.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
"I just can't take the bad lovemaking anymore".
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
I think we need to become better strangers.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
"It's not because I don't like you, it's because I hate you."
"Our relationship is like a fat guy."
"What?"
"It's not working out."
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
You look like my future ex wife.
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
"Hey babe, you heard of the movie 'Other people?'"
"Yeah, why?"
"I think we should see it."
"Maybe this is not the right time for us"
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
"If it's meant to be it's meant to be....but just to be clear it isn't."
I really like you. So does my wife.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
"Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?"
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
"It's not me, it's you!"
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
"Roses are red, violets are blue. We're breaking up beacause I never loved you."
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
"You're perfect in every way, just not for me."
"Really, our time together has just become more effort than you're worth."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
Go to BabaMail
