“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
~ Drew Carey
"If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?"
"I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying."
- Oscar Wilde
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet." – Bill Cosby
"Mom Pro Tip – If you’re old enough to critique what I put in your lunch, you’re old enough to make it yourself." – Unknown
"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." - Chris Rock
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
“Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes.”
– Joyce Armor.
“Someone should enact a holiday that honors all people who turn up for work on Mondays.”
“Good friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone.”
— Unknown
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.” - Wendy Liebman
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”
- James Baldwin.
“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” - Miles Davis
“Somedays you eat salad and go do Yoga. Somedays you eat cupcakes and refuse to put on pants. This is called balance.” — Unknown
"Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position." — Christopher Marlowe
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“The bags under my eyes are Prada.”
"I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel."
- Fran Lebowitz
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one!”
— C.S. Lewis
“When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.”
Bill Watterson
“A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.”
– Carl Reiner
“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” – Jon Stewart
“Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.”
—Doug Larson
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” –Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
"I give myself sometimes admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it."
― Mary Wortley Montagu
"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I'll never know."
“Sometimes I would like to be a child again, and other times a woman made of snow.”
– Deirdre Sullivan
“To like and dislike the same things, that is what makes a solid friendship.”
— Sallust
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
“I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.” — Joan Rivers
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
"There are only two emotions on a plane: boredom and terror."
- Orson Welles
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
- Richard Jeni
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
“Gardeners know the best dirt.”
— Anonymous
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected.”
— Charles Lamb
I don’t think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
Frank Carson
Go to BabaMail
