“Keep calm and ommm… nonommm…” — Anonymous
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Rodney Dangerfield
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
"I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks." — Steve Martin
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin
"I’m too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener."
"True love is singing karaoke 'Under Pressure' and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part." Mindy Kaling
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
“Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.” —Michael Dresser
"Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me, but then I remember I put up with you, so we're even." - Unknown
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." — Andre Maurois
"Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."
- Pauline Thomason
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.”
Greg Tamblyn
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
"I'd like to connect with nature but there's no USB port" - Dan Masso
“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
“Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment.”
- Horace
If you use the church's WiFi, are you receiving God's signal? -- Anonymous
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
“When I figured out how to work my grill, it was quite a moment. I discovered that summer is a completely different experience when you know how to grill.”
— Taylor Swift
There are five stages in the life of an actor: Who’s Mary Astor? … Get me Mary Astor… Get me a Mary Astor type… Get me a young Mary Astor… Who’s Mary Astor?
Mary Astor
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
“I talked to a wild group last night. I knew it the minute someone yelled ‘Louder!’ during the silent meditation. – Robert Orben”
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
"Runner's logic: I'm tired. Let me go for a run."
Unknown
“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”
- Milton Berle.
“What turning forty means to me? I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn’t used to have to do that, but now I do.”
Tina Fey
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“Make yourself look really stupid so you don’t feel bad doing something a little stupid.”
- Mark Hoppus
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.”—Lily Tomlin
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
Rodney Dangerfield
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
“Best Friend: One million memories, ten thousand inside jokes, one hundred shared secrets.”
— Unknown
“A day without yoga is like a sundae without sprinkles” — Emma Mildon
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” —Jean Kerr
Go to BabaMail
