“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again."
- Henry Beard
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
“Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.”
- Marshall McLuhan.
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“When late morning rolls around and you’re feeling a bit out of sorts, don’t worry; you’re probably just a little eleven o’clockish.”
– Unknown
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
"I believe that the good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street."
Neil Armstrong
“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
- Nora Ephron.
"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy."
- Bob Hope
"I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong."
Anonymous
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
“Maybe Monday doesn’t like you either.”
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
“Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.”
- P. J. O’Rourke
“A photographer gets people to pose for him. A yoga instructor gets people to pose for themselves.” — Terri Guillemets
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others."
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock
“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.”
George Carlin
“A stupid man’s report of what a clever man says can never be accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.”
- Bertrand Russell
“I have just returned from a children’s party. I’m one of the survivors.”
- Percy French.
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
“No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.” — H. Jackson Brown Jr.
"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass."
Martin Mull
“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”
Winston Churchill
“I feel very blessed to have two wonderful, healthy children who keep me completely grounded, sane, and throw up on my shoes just before I go to an awards show just so I know to keep it real.”
- Reese Witherspoon.
“Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.” —Johnny Carson
“Sunshine and happiness go together like fish and chips!”
― Catherine Pulsifer
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”
– Bernard Meltzer
“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”―Helen Rowland
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.” JP Getty.
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."
Franklin Jones
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Parenting is a cult. And as a cult member, you can try to explain it to other people, but we just appear like lunatics.” – Jim Gaffigan
"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."
- James Dent
“We must fall in love with yourselves. I don’t like myself. I’m crazy about myself.”
– Mae West
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
"It sounds plausible enough tonight, but wait until tomorrow. Wait for the common sense of the morning."
— H.G. Wells
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