“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
“Friendship is not a big thing, it’s a million little things.”
— Unknown
“I need to get up; my coffee needs me.”
— Unknown
Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in that bastard's reflection.
Lady Gaga
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“Happy Thanksgiving!!! Or as I like to call it: Cheat Day.” — Hugh Jackman
"Love thy neighbor, just watch out for thy husband." - Unknown
“I’d like to publicly thank my husband [Dax Shepard] for changing half the diapers in our house. I hope he changes all of mine one day…”—Kristen Bell
“They say that there can never be two snowflakes that are exactly alike, but has anyone checked lately?”
– Terry Pratchett
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
"How do you compare apples and oranges?
By their nutritional value."
- Marshall Elizer
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann
“God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die."
~ Bill Watterson
"Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all." — David Lynch
"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin
"We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~ Unknown
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“Yes, I deserve a spring – I owe nobody nothing."
– Virginia Woolf
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
"I love love, and I’m very hopeful and was raised on all the fairy tales everyone else had. I just noted that everyone’s mom was dead and real princesses get beheaded, so I just have a more realistic take on it."
- Amy Schumer
“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.”
George Carlin
“Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.”
– William Shakespeare
Some things have to be believed to be seen. -- Ralph Hodgson
"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass." — Rodney Dangerfield,
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
"Being a good husband is like being a standup comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner." — Jerry Seinfeld
“Yoga is 99% waste removal” — T.K.V Desikachar
“Sometimes I’m so tired, I look down at what I’m wearing, and if it’s comfortable enough to sleep in, I don’t even make it into my pajamas. I’m looking down, and I’m like T-shirt and stretchy pants? Yup, that’s pajama-y. Good night.”
Rebecca Romijn
“There. Right there is where you lost your darn mind!”
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
Bob Hope
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
Summer should get a speeding ticket
“Yoga is not about tightening your ass. It’s about getting your head out of it.” — Eric Paskel
“After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”
- Charlotte Gray.
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“A true friend is someone who is there for you when they would rather be someplace else.”
– Len Wein
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
— Mark Twain
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
“I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn’t drive the kids crazy.”
- James, ‘Look Who’s Talking.’
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