"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
“New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time — most, unsolved.”
Johnny Carson
“Sorry for what I said before I yoga-ed.” – Unknown
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
“When in doubt, yoga it out.” – Unknown
"Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome."
- Oscar Levant
“Good friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone.”
— Unknown
“Sign for a beginner’s yoga class: Enquire Within.” – Unknown
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“Maybe Monday doesn’t like you either.”
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“An Aquarius isn’t a rebel with a cause; they are the cause.”
— Jake Register
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”
E. B. White
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
“Dear Monday, I want to break up. I’m seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. Sincerely, it’s not me, it’s you.”
“You are one yoga class away from a good mood.” – Unknown
"No doubt a brain and some shoes are essential for marathon success. Although if it comes down to a choice, pick the shoes. More people finish marathons with no brains than with no shoes."
Don Kardong
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"I can tell by your sarcastic undertones, rude comments, and sheer lack of common decency that we should be best friends."
— Unknown
“Is it Monday already? I’m almost positive I did not get my entire portion of the weekend.”
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
— Oprah Winfrey
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“Unfortunately, I did not become a millionaire over the weekend, so I have to return to work on Monday.”
“Winter blues are cured every time with a potato gratin paired with a roast chicken.”
– Alexandra Guarnaschelli
“I hope we’re friends until we die. Then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the s*** out of people.”
— Unknown
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
“Medidation, because some questions can’t be answered by Google.” — Inner Balance Wear
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
“Almost every Aquarius is a rebel. Give them a guide and they won’t follow it. Tell them there’s a dress code and they’ll show up wearing nothing at all.”
— Alex Dimitrov and Dorothea Lasky
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
“A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. ~Mark Twain
Robin Williams
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying. – Rita Rudner
“Never let your friends be lonely…. Disturb them all the time.”
— Unknown
“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”—Erma Bombeck
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
“Bad decisions make good stories.”
– Ellis Vidler
“Excuse me while I have a Pisces moment.”
— Patricia Lantz
“Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.”
Betty White
“If each day is a “gift,” I’d like to know where I can return the Monday.”
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