"If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you."
“If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it." ~Author Unknown
“Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.”
Albert Einstein
"Whoever says friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!"
— Bronwyn Polson
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
It's almost Summer! Time to find out what my friends with swimming pools have been up to since last summer...
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
"Women love a self-confident bald man."
- Larry David.
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
“Monday is a sloppy umbrella day, which makes everybody a little blue.”
– George Leedy
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“I am having an out of money experience." ~Author Unknown
“The learned fool writes his nonsense in better language than the unlearned, but still ‘this nonsense.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“I thought I’d never be that annoying person, but as soon as Winnie was born, I was showing iPhone snaps to a cab driver.”
- Jimmy Fallon.
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
“New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time — most, unsolved.”
Johnny Carson
“I don’t know what’s tighter: our jeans or our friendship.”
— Unknown
"When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life."
- Richard Lewis
"A Taurus always appears to be calm and steady, even when they feel like punching you in the face."
— Unknown
"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." - Chris Rock
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
“I have noticed that even people who claim everything is predetermined and that we can do nothing to change it look before they cross the road.”
Stephen Hawking
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
“Some people walk in the rain; others just get wet.” – Roger Miller
“I’ve got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: “Hello, goodbye, and I’m pregnant”.
- Dean Martin.
"If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?"
"I live in a mad house run by a tiny army that I made myself." — Anonymous
“Monday is almost Tuesday, which is not so far from Wednesday which is neighboring Thursday, and Friday. Enjoy your day!”
"There are no gardening mistakes, only experiments."
— Janet Kilburn Phillips
“Mountains have a way of dealing with overconfidence.” – Hermann Buhl
Summer should get a speeding ticket
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
“They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.” — Alexander Pope
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” - Jane Austen, 'Pride and Prejudice'
“A good friend will always stab you in the front.”
— Oscar Wilde
"I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere."
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White
"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
"If you run 100 miles a week, you can eat anything you want. Why? Because (a) you'll burn all the calories you consume, (b) you deserve it, and (c) you'll be injured soon and back on a restricted diet anyway."
Don Kardong
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein
“You are one yoga class away from a good mood.” – Unknown
"How do you compare apples and oranges?
By their nutritional value."
- Marshall Elizer
This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.
Winston Churchill
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