“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
“What’s worth doing is worth doing for money.” –Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
"I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
“Namastay 6 feet away.” – Unknown
Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
“Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success.“
— Oscar Wilde
“I talked to a wild group last night. I knew it the minute someone yelled ‘Louder!’ during the silent meditation. – Robert Orben”
“Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.”
James A. Garfield
“A baby changes your dinner party conversation from politics to poops.”
- Maurice Johnston.
“I have just returned from a children’s party. I’m one of the survivors.”
- Percy French.
"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." — Oscar Wilde
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“Parenting Tip: If your child is crying, hold it close and whisper, 'You don’t have a clue what horrors this world holds.'”
- Rob Delaney.
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"If it costs you your peace of mind, you’ve overpaid."
— Rigel J. Dawson
"I give myself sometimes admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it."
― Mary Wortley Montagu
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
“Nothing burns like the cold.” — George R.R. Martin
“Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
– George Carlin
“Sleeping bags are the most soft tacos of the bear’s world.”
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
Oscar Wilde
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, “At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas."
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
~ J. Paul Getty
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
Summer should get a speeding ticket
“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.” —Jim Davis
"I am the friend you have to explain to your other friends before they meet me."
— Unknown
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“The only yoga stretch I've perfected is the yawn.”
- Grant Tucker.
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money." ~ Henny Youngman
“Smiling is mouth yoga.” — Thich Nhat Hanh
"Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough"
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
"I love when my kids tells me they’re bored. As if the lady standing in front of a full sink of dirty dishes is where you go to get ideas about how to have a good time." – Unknown
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“Sometimes I would like to be a child again, and other times a woman made of snow.”
– Deirdre Sullivan
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
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