“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”
- Paul Reiser.
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
– Charles Schulz
“Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”
Cullen Hightower
"Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's motorized garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one."
- Dave Barry
“The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.
– Mark Twain
“Medidation, because some questions can’t be answered by Google.” — Inner Balance Wear
“My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.” — Rodney Dangerfield
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
“I remember when yoga was called Twister.” – Unknown
"One meditator to another: Are you not thinking what I’m not thinking?" – Unknown
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
“Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.”
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
“When I’m under stress, I do yoga. It’s when I’m happiest that I have a problem with junk food.” — Britney Spears
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
"I miss crawling into a man’s arm, kissing his neck, saying those three little words into his ear, 'And another thing ...'” — Felicia Michaels
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
“Sorry for what I said before I yoga-ed.” – Unknown
“You drink too much. Cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You’re everything I ever wanted in a friend.”
— Unknown
"Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature." —Donatella in Letters to Juliet
“The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”
- Lane Olinghouse.
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
"Because I always say, if you're married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you're doing really good!" —Michelle Obama
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
"Lose an hour in the morning and you will spend all day looking for it." — Richard Whately
“Good Morning! Open your mouth wide! I’ll just keep going and put that coffee right in there!”
– Unknown
"I don’t know whether they should say “You have a baby” or “The baby has you”." ~ Anonymous
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
“Aries: You can't handle me even if I came with instructions.”
“Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.” —Kevin James
"Calming the mind is yoga. Not just standing on the head."
- Swami Satchidananda
"A truly appreciative child will break, lose, spoil, or fondle to death any really successful gift within a matter of minutes." – Russell Lynes
If there were no God, there would be no atheists. -- G. K. Chesterton
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
Homer Simpson
“Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.”—Elbert Hubbard
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” - Jerry Seinfeld
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