"Love is a two-way street constantly under construction."
- Carroll Bryant.
“I heard about a trend where, this Thanksgiving, people made tiny turkeys. You may know them by their other name: chicken!” — Jerry Seinfeld
As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."
Franklin Jones
"The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime if not asked to lend money."
— Mark Twain
“My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.”
- Chuck Nevitt
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
"How do you know if someone ran a marathon? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you."
Jimmy Fallon
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
“My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she is coming with me.”
- Jon Bon Jovi
“A baby changes your dinner party conversation from politics to poops.”
- Maurice Johnston.
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.”
Joe Girard
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying. – Rita Rudner
“Sometimes I would like to be a child again, and other times a woman made of snow.”
– Deirdre Sullivan
“If you fall, I’ll be there. Love, Your Mat” -Unknown
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.
“An addiction to gardening is not all bad when you consider all the other choices in life.”
— Cora Lea Bell
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
"What does the letter "A" have in common with a flower?
They both have bees coming after them."
- Kim Roblin
"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world."
— E. B. White
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Robin Williams
"The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over never weeded a garden."
- Ray D. Everson
“You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.”
Jim Carrey
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery." ~ Joan Rivers
Christianity is the strangest religion ever set up, for it committed a murder upon Jesus in order to redeem mankind from the sin of eating an apple. -- Thomas Paine
"I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage." -Erma Bombeck
“In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.” —Helen Rowland
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
Bill Murray
“Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and go ‘you know, I’m not as hungry as thought I was’?”
Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich. -- Napoleon
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second."
William James
“If each day is a “gift,” I’d like to know where I can return the Monday.”
“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.”
Oscar Wilde
"Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one." — Benjamin Franklin
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
"Between men and women, there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."
- Oscar Wilde
“Where are we? About halfway…to somewhere.”
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."
"My idea of camping is falling asleep on the couch with the window open."
- Clarke Kant
“Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”—Eddie Cantor
Go to BabaMail
