“When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.” – Dave Attell
"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early"
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits."
Anonymous
“Happy Thanksgiving!!! Or as I like to call it: Cheat Day.” — Hugh Jackman
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.“
Rodney Dangerfield
“Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.”
Chris Rock
“I don’t like Sunday nights because you have to wake up to a Monday morning.”
Did anybody ever consider that cannibalism would resolve both overpopulation – and world hunger?
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying."
- Oscar Wilde
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
Will Rogers
“How to get a yoga body: 1. Have a body 2. Do yoga.” – Unknown
“A yawn is a silent scream for coffee…”
– Unknown
"Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?"
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
“I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it.” —Robert Brault
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
“If you are not killing plants, you are not really stretching yourself as a gardener.”
— J.C. Raulston
"I sent the club a wire stating, 'Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.'"
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
Summer should get a speeding ticket
“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”—Ogden Nash.
“Someone should enact a holiday that honors all people who turn up for work on Mondays.”
"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet." – Bill Cosby
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
"I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth." — Chico Marx
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. It makes it feel needed."
Charles Schulz
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”
Steven Wright
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Douglas Adams
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.” - Wendy Liebman
“You know, maybe this will be a good Thanksgiving. Just us and the kids. You cook and I’ll watch football with my pants open all day.” — Ray Romano, “Everybody Loves Raymond”
"Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run."
Jumbo Elliot
“A good friend will always stab you in the front.”
— Oscar Wilde
“Monday is almost Tuesday, which is not so far from Wednesday which is neighboring Thursday, and Friday. Enjoy your day!”
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
“The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.”
Demetri Martin
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
Go to BabaMail
