“Even though we’re a week and a half away from Thanksgiving, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.” —Richard Roeper
“Winter blues are cured every time with a potato gratin paired with a roast chicken.”
– Alexandra Guarnaschelli
“Winter is like fall except you need five pairs of leggings instead of one.”
“I like football. I find it’s an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.” —Craig Ferguson
“Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before.”—Rita Rudner
“Monday is great if I can spend it in bed. I’m a man of simple pleasures, really.”
– Arthur Darvill
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”
Dalai Lama
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus
A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday. -- Thomas Ybarra
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
Steven Wright
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
"Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run."
Jumbo Elliot
"Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television."
Victoria Wood
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
"I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth."
Anonymous
"My idea of camping is falling asleep on the couch with the window open."
- Clarke Kant
"Woke up this morning with a terrific urge to lie in bed all day and read."
– Raymond Carver
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
“Here in California, we passed a law against texting while driving. But there’s no law preventing you from writing a letter while driving.”
Craig Ferguson
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
" Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." — Henny Youngman
“Never criticize your spouse’s faults; if it weren’t for them, your mate might have found someone better than you.” —Jay Trachman
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."
Claude Pepper
“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” - Miles Davis
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock
“Thanksgiving: Bringing out the best in family dysfunction since 1863.” -Unknown
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
- Steve Martin
"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
“Apologizing in advance for the things I say this winter.”
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.
Chuck Palahniuk
“Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn’t show up on X-Rays, but you know it’s there.” - George Burns
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
“Hello and welcome to Monday. Do you take sugar, cream, or Valium in your morning coffee?”
“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.”
Oscar Wilde
“For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag.” —Andy Borowitz
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” — Ambrose Bierce
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
"Oh, here's an idea: Let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all." - Jimmy Fallon
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“Once you sign on to be a mother, 24/7 is the only shift they offer.”
- Jodi Picoult.
"Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him."
Go to BabaMail
