“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
“Fan the sinking flame of hilarity with the wing of friendship; and pass the rosy wine.”
— Charles Dickens
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
"Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street." ~ Jay Leno
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
“A yawn is a silent scream for coffee…”
– Unknown
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“An addiction to gardening is not all bad when you consider all the other choices in life.”
— Cora Lea Bell
“So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends—but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more-positive partnership.”
— Julio Alexi Genao
"For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end." — Catherine Zeta-Jones
All gardeners know better than other gardeners.”
— Chinese Proverb
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
A weed is a plant that is not only in the wrong place but intends to stay.”
— Sara Stein
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning." — Clint Eastwood,
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on." — Joan Rivers
"Stupidity has a knack of getting its way."
- Albert Camus
“Good friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone.”
— Unknown
“The thing about parenting rules is there aren’t any. That’s what makes it so difficult.”
- Ewan McGregor.
"There’s nothing more tedious than seeing how a person shows his intellect, especially if there isn’t any."
- Erich Maria Remarque
Robin Williams
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”
- Paul Reiser.
"If ignorance is bliss, there should be more happy people."
- Victor Cousin
"Every morning is good; it’s not his fault that someone didn’t sleep well."
– Unknown
“Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.”
Albert Einstein
“A baby changes your dinner party conversation from politics to poops.”
- Maurice Johnston.
“She says you’re not awake until you’re actually out of bed and standing up.”
– Richelle Mead
"Stupid is when you spend 18 hours trying to drown a fish."
Anonymous
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
"Everyone is born equal in life, until they get married." — Anonymous
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
~ Vince Lombardi
“Monday I shall slay thee with my mighty cup of coffee.”
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing—that’s why we recommend it daily.”
— Zig Ziglar
“Nothing compares to the stomach ache you get from laughing with friends.”
— Unknown
“Monday: One of those days when even when your coffee needs a coffee.”
"In every good marriage, it pays sometimes to be a little deaf." — Ruth Bader Ginsburg
“I do Yoga to relieve stress… Just kidding I drink wine in yoga pants.” — Anonymous
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
Robert Benchley
“Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
– George Carlin
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