"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits."
Anonymous
“Husbands and wives are irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?”—Janet Periat
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
"I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it."
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
“Friendship is not a big thing, it’s a million little things.”
— Unknown
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
Abraham Lincoln
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
“Running: Cheaper than therapy.”
-seen on runner’s T-shirt
“Roses are red, Mondays are hard. I’m not good at poetry. COFFEE.”
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"What did the yogi tell the door-to-door salesperson who came to his home selling vacuum cleaners? Too many attachments!"
- Sadhana Yoga
“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”
Will Rogers
"If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times: Don’t exaggerate!"
Anonymous
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
— Jim Henson
"Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage."
- Ambrose Bierce
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." ― Sharon Stone
"Whoever says friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!"
— Bronwyn Polson
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." — Oscar Wilde
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
“Good morning world! Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.”
– Unknown
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." — Jules Renard
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Rodney Dangerfield
"The best part of waking up is still a mystery to me."
— Uknown
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
Miles Kington
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.”
Bill Murray
“Arguing with a fool proves there are two.”
– Doris M. Smith
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
“They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.” — Alexander Pope
“I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn’t drive the kids crazy.”
- James, ‘Look Who’s Talking.’
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
“Dear winter, I’m breaking up with you. I think it’s time I start seeing other seasons. Summer is hotter than you.”
"Oh, here's an idea: Let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all." - Jimmy Fallon
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
“You know, maybe this will be a good Thanksgiving. Just us and the kids. You cook and I’ll watch football with my pants open all day.” — Ray Romano, “Everybody Loves Raymond”
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world, but they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they’re born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.”
- Ray Romano.
“A best friend is someone who, when they don’t understand, they still understand."
— Nancy Werlin
"Don’t forget to drink water and get some sun. You’re basically a houseplant with more complicated emotions."
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.”
Joe Girard
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
Go to BabaMail
