I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
Will Rogers
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” – Jon Stewart
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
“I believe someone made a grievous mistake when summer was created; no novitiate or god in their right mind would make a season akin to hell on purpose. Someone should be fired.”
― Michelle Franklin
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.”
– Maxwell Maltz
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
“If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.”
- Bette Davis.
"Aries people pick up steam while everyone else is running out of gas."
— Joanna Martine Woolfolk
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before.”—Rita Rudner
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
“I love you and I treasure you and ya bore me.” - Amy Santiago, 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!"
— Terry Moore
"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."
― Margaret Mead
“Heat, ma'am! It was so dreadful here that I found there was nothing left for it but to take off my flesh and sit in my bones.”
- Sydney Smith
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.”—Joyce Brothers
“Sometimes, being silly with a friend is the best therapy.”
— Unknown
"Every garden is unique with a multitude of choices in soils, plants and themes. Finding your garden theme is as easy as seeing what brings a smile to your face."
- Teresa Watkins
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
“I don’t know what’s tighter: our jeans or our friendship.”
— Unknown
“Good morning. Keep calm and pretend it’s not Monday.”
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
"Once the travel bug bites there is no known antitode, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life."
- Michael Palin
“Thanks to yoga, I now gently stretch to conclusions rather than jumping to them.” – Unknown
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
" Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." — Henny Youngman
“I'm always in a bad mood on Monday morning. It makes me hate everything for no reason whatsoever.”
"It's a hill. Get over it."
From a runner's T-shirt
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
“Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble.”
- Martin Mull.
"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”
- Dorothy Parker.
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
- Erma Bombeck
“A child is a curly dimpled lunatic." – Ralph Emerson
"There's one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbor's."
- Clyde Moore
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