“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
~ J. Paul Getty
“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.”
Joan Rivers
“I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults’ table. That’s ’cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.” —Andre Kelley
“Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired. – Michel Tournier
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.”
– Betty Reese
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
"Aries people pick up steam while everyone else is running out of gas."
— Joanna Martine Woolfolk
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time."
– Sadhguru
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” – Ted Turner
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
— Jim Henson
“I married beneath me, all women do.”
—Nancy Astor
“There’s something boring about people who have to go to an office for a living."
~ Karl Lagerfeld
“Smiling is mouth yoga.” — Thich Nhat Hanh
“I think we’ll be friends forever because we’re too lazy to find new friends.”
— Unknown
“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.”
Linda Grayson
Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
Robert Benchley
“Beverly Hills is very exclusive. For instance, their fire department won’t make house calls.”
Mort Sahl
“Hello, Monday! May I ask you a question? Why are you always back so quickly? Don’t you have a hobby?”
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
“You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time... Husband!” —Bill Maher
“A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. ~Mark Twain
“Don’t wear perfume in the garden – unless you want to be pollinated by bees.”
— Anne Raver
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"A Taurus always appears to be calm and steady, even when they feel like punching you in the face."
— Unknown
“I’m not aging, I just need repotting.”
— Anonymous
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”
- James Baldwin.
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
"Scorpios are powerful creatures who demand equally potent cocktails."
— Aliza Kelly
“Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.”
- David Frost.
“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”
- Phyllis Diller.
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
“For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag.” —Andy Borowitz
"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again."
"Lose an hour in the morning and you will spend all day looking for it." — Richard Whately
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“It’s the 21st century. I don’t need an alpha male to protect me. I don’t need a big, strong man to fight off a tiger. I need a geek who can get my naked photos off the cloud.” — Whitney Cummings
“Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftover in aluminum foil and throw them out.” —Nicole Hollander
“Sometimes I would like to be a child again, and other times a woman made of snow.”
– Deirdre Sullivan
Maybe this world is another planet's hell. -- Aldous Huxley
“I have never been hurt by what I have not said.”
Calvin Coolidge
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
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