"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
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