"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor