"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
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