"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
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