"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
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