"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
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