"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
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