"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg