"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
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