What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
What do you call a pig with skin problems? A wart-hog.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
What do you call an imaginary pig? A pig-ment of your imagination.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig!
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.