What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do you call an imaginary pig? A pig-ment of your imagination.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.