How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
Where does a 500-pound penguin sit?
Anywhere it wants.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
What’s black and white, black and white, and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
How do you get down off an penguin?
You don’t – you get down off a duck.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
Who’s the penguin’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt-Arctica.
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
How does a penguin make pancakes?
With its flippers.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
What did the penguin say after he went shopping?
Put it on my bill.
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?
The outside.
Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.
Why don’t you see penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
What do you call a happy penguin?
A penGRIN.
How did the penguin pass his driving test?
He winged it.
Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.
Why was the penguin popular?
Because he was an ice guy.
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
Who is a penguin’s favourite family member?
Aunt Artica.
How does a penguin get around?
By icicle.