How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.