What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.