How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.