India is a very peaceful country.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because the cows have horns.
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What does a cow put on his French toast?
Moooolasses.
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
What is the definition of “moon”?
The past tense of “moo”.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream.
Why wouldn’t anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully.
What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A car only has one horn.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
What do cows like to eat for lunch?
Moo-shroom soup
Where do cows get together?
The meet market.
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
When doesn’t a bull have horns?
When it’s a bullfrog.
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic.
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.