Why do cats not laugh at jokes? They take things too litter-ally.
Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!
What did the happy kitten say? I’m feline good!
Why did the cat invest in the stock market? He thought is was a good op-paw-tunity
What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purr-petrator.
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
What is a cat’s favorite horror movie? The Purrrge!
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman? Frost-bite!
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
Where do cats go when they lose their tail? A re-tail store!
Why did the cat keep meow-ing? It didn’t want to be fur-gotten.
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
What sport does a cat play? Hairball!
Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
Why was the cat not allowed on the computer? Because she tried to catch the mouse!
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
What do you call a cat teacher? A purr-fessor
What do cats read in the morning? The mewspaper!
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
Which state of America has lots of cats and dogs? Petsylvania
What type of cat belongs to the baker? One that’s pure-bread
What is smarter than a talking cat? A spelling bee.
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.