Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.