What is the difference between a panda and a polar bear?
About 1,000 miles.
Baby seal walks into a club...
Years later he would sing A kiss from a rose in the same club.
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
Which state of America has lots of cats and dogs? Petsylvania
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What do you call a funny parrot spoof
A parody
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What's more amazing than a talking bat? A spelling bee!
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
What is white and has long ears, whiskers, and sixteen wheels? Two rabbits on Rollerblades!
Why don’t you see penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!
Mechanic said it could be car rot.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
What happened when they planted new bamboo trees at the zoo?
It was pandamonium out there!
What do you call Tyrannosaurus rex when it wears a cowboy hat and boots ? Tyrannosaurus tex!
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
Which dinosaur is pure evil? Daemonosaurus.
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
A beaver's experience in college deep-ends on if they go to the best university.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw. Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A dino-sewer.
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
Why did the spider crawl up the elephants leg the second time?
It got pissed off the first time.
Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off!
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
Why couldn't the housefly board the plane?
It was on the no fly list
What does a bookworm do during a baseball game? Worm the bench.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
Q. Why was the gorilla's jungle party so lame?
A. Because theyran out of chimps and dip.
Did Rudolph go to school?
No, he was elf taught!
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
When does a sloth go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!