“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
"Being on vacation with my family has brought me so much closer to my iPad."
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
“A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.”
– Tom Lichtenheld
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
“If you can walk away from a landing, it’s a good landing. If you can use the aircraft the next day, it’s an outstanding landing.”
- Chuck Yeager
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
“A car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
"I don't run a car, have never run a car. I could say that this is because I have this extremely tender environmentalist conscience, but the fact is I hate driving."
- David Attenborough
"I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere."
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