"A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places."
– Tom Lichtenheld
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
“It’s my car now, but as soon as it’s fixed, it’ll be my daughter’s again.”
– Jeff Stahler
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
"Like gum to a shoe, you’re stuck with me and I’m stuck with you."
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
"I don't run a car, have never run a car. I could say that this is because I have this extremely tender environmentalist conscience, but the fact is I hate driving."
- David Attenborough
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
“Life is like pocket money. You shouldn't spend it all in one place.”
― Julian Talbot
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
"There are good ships
and wood ships
and ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships
are friendships
and may they always be."
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
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