"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
"A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places."
– Tom Lichtenheld
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
“It’s my car now, but as soon as it’s fixed, it’ll be my daughter’s again.”
– Jeff Stahler
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.
“Life is like pocket money. You shouldn't spend it all in one place.”
― Julian Talbot
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
"Once the travel bug bites there is no known antitode, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life."
- Michael Palin
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
"Love may be the best driving wheel, but anger is a pretty good second."
– Steven Tyler
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
– Franklin P. Jones
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
“Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.”
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
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