“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
“A car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
"A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places."
– Tom Lichtenheld
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
- Douglas Adams
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
– Robin Williams
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
"Yeah, working is great… but have you tried traveling?"
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
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