“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
– Robin Williams
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
"There are only two emotions on a plane: boredom and terror."
- Orson Welles
“Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines.”
– Enzo Ferrari
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
“Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.”
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
"A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places."
– Tom Lichtenheld
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
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