“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
“It’s my car now, but as soon as it’s fixed, it’ll be my daughter’s again.”
– Jeff Stahler
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
“If you can walk away from a landing, it’s a good landing. If you can use the aircraft the next day, it’s an outstanding landing.”
- Chuck Yeager
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.
"Love may be the best driving wheel, but anger is a pretty good second."
– Steven Tyler
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
“Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines.”
– Enzo Ferrari
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
"Like gum to a shoe, you’re stuck with me and I’m stuck with you."
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
“When going on a vacation, I wish I could load my wallet with money as much as I can overpack my luggage.”
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
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