“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
“If you can walk away from a landing, it’s a good landing. If you can use the aircraft the next day, it’s an outstanding landing.”
- Chuck Yeager
“If you don’t like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.”
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
"Getting out of bed would be 10x easier if there was a Caribbean ocean and 30 degree weather waiting outside for you."
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
"Being on vacation with my family has brought me so much closer to my iPad."
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan
"Yeah, working is great… but have you tried traveling?"
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
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