“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
- Douglas Adams
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"Like gum to a shoe, you’re stuck with me and I’m stuck with you."
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
“Life is like pocket money. You shouldn't spend it all in one place.”
― Julian Talbot
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
“When going on a vacation, I wish I could load my wallet with money as much as I can overpack my luggage.”
"Yeah, working is great… but have you tried traveling?"
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan
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