"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
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