"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
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