“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
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