“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
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