“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
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