“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
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