"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
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