“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain