Lamp Jokes

What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.
Wisdom or Money? A man goes on a trip to the desert. At one point, he walks off alone, and suddenly stumbles upon an old lamp. It's old but may bring a few bits, he rubs the lamp and is amazed when a genie pops out! The genie says that he will grant the man only one wish, and that he has to pick from three choices. He can either be the richest man in the world, the most popular man in the world, or the wisest man in the world. The man says "We all know that money does not bring happiness, and that popularity just makes you a slave to the whims of others, but wisdom is everlasting. I want to be the wisest man in the world." The Genie goes "poof" and suddenly the man's face assumes a serene expression. He sits down, rubbing his chin in thought. Then he looks towards the genie and says, "I should have taken the money".
To the person who stole my coffee, my lamp, and my parrot…
I don’t know how you sleep at night.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
What do tall people and a lamp post have in common? Intelligence.
The Wife, the Husband and the Genie A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary. Knowing his wife loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her. When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared. He thanked them and gave each of them one wish. The wife wished for an all expenses paid, first class, around the world cruise with her husband. Shazam! Instantly she was presented with tickets for the entire journey, plus expensive side trips, dinners, shopping, etc. The husband, however, wished he had a female companion who was 30 years younger. The genie smiled and... Shazam! Instantly he turned 93 years old.
The Genie and the Three Wishes A man finds a magic lamp. Of course, as the deal goes, he rubs the lamp and out pops a genie that thunders he has 3 wishes to make.. "For my first wish, I want to be some kind of royalty." the man says. The Genie nods. "Yes, yes. That can easily be arranged." "For my second wish, I want to live in luxury, the most beautiful castle." "It will be done", the Genie agrees. "And I want to be married to a beautiful princess." "I understand", says the Genie, "However, your wishes require a lot of work. But it should be done tomorrow." So the man goes to sleep and when he wakes up, he is laying in a beautiful bed. He looks around and everything is just as he wished. He is a noble, living inside a beautiful castle and next to him a beautiful princess smiles at him. "Oh, you're finally awake, Franz-Ferdinand. We should get up, today we're traveling to Sarajevo."
The Government Employee A government employee sat in his office, and out of boredom, decided to see what was inside his old filing cabinet. He poked through the contents and came across an old brass lamp he's never seen before. "This will look good on my mantel," he said, and took it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie suddenly appeared. "Noble sir," he thundered. "You have three wishes you may ask of me." "Alright," said the government clerk. "I would like an ice-cold Coke right now." He gets his Coke and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island with beautiful women, who find me irresistible." Suddenly, he's on an island with gorgeous women eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish. "I wish I'd never have to work again." Instantly, he was back in his government office.
Q: Why did the tiger eat the lamp?
A: He wanted a light lunch.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Whosever room this is should be ashamed!
His underwear is hanging on the lamp.
His raincoat is there in the overstuffed chair,
And the chair is becoming quite mucky and damp.
His workbook is wedged in the window,
His sweater’s been thrown on the floor.
His scarf and one ski are beneath the TV,
And his pants have been carelessly hung on the door.
His books are all jammed in the closet,
His vest has been left in the hall.
A lizard named Ed is asleep in his bed,
And his smelly old sock has been stuck to the wall.
Whosever room this is should be ashamed!
Donald or Robert or Willie or—
Huh? You say it’s mine? Oh, dear,
I knew it looked familiar!
(Shel Silverstein)
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