Wise Jokes

For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
Why do benched players always seem to look so wise? They don’t have to look like fools on the floor and entertain the crowds.
This special birthday wish may be late,
And it may not make you very wise,
But it's still good enough to send,
Because it won't strain your tired eyes.

It may not be the best birthday wish,
And it may not even be on time,
But I think it's better than nothing,
For no other reason than it rhymes.

(Kevin Nishmas)
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in New York?
Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
The Supreme Court ruled there cannot be a Nativity Scene on Capitol Hill.
This isn't for any religious reason. They just haven’t been able to find Three Wise Men in DC. A search for a virgin was also fruitless. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.
Wisdom or Money? A man goes on a trip to the desert. At one point, he walks off alone, and suddenly stumbles upon an old lamp. It's old but may bring a few bits, he rubs the lamp and is amazed when a genie pops out! The genie says that he will grant the man only one wish, and that he has to pick from three choices. He can either be the richest man in the world, the most popular man in the world, or the wisest man in the world. The man says "We all know that money does not bring happiness, and that popularity just makes you a slave to the whims of others, but wisdom is everlasting. I want to be the wisest man in the world." The Genie goes "poof" and suddenly the man's face assumes a serene expression. He sits down, rubbing his chin in thought. Then he looks towards the genie and says, "I should have taken the money".
"You are a smart cookie. A wise chocolate cake. A brilliant pancake.” - Rey Woodman
A wise saying among werewolves: Chasing your tail will not make ends meet.
What did the wise papa fish tell his son?
Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
What Do You Call A Clever Duck?
A wise quacker
A wise man will know
finding a worm in a pear…
better than half worm

(Jan Allison)
If thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them.
If thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
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