Smoke

The 3 Gentlemen and the Wall of Lies
The 3 Gentlemen and the Wall of Lies Three men are walking in the desert for days, seeking a way out of the heated hellscape. There was an American, An Englishman and a Brazilian man. After a long while they encounter a huge wall. They try to go around it, over it, but the wall is too high and too long. They break down weeping, when the American spots a sign near the wall. The sign reads: "You must all tell a lie in order to break this wall. The greater the lie, the greater the damage. But beware, each one of you only has one try." The men sink into deep thinking state. After hours of thinking, the Englishman begins: "We, the English gentlemen, never drink tea with milk." The wall cracks. The American adds: "We, the American gentlemen never smoke stogies after a hard day of work." Again, the wall cracks. Now all left up to the Brazilian man, he takes a deep breath and starts: "We, the Brazilian gentlemen-" The wall shatters.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
Yo Momma so stupid, she thought seaweed is something fish smoke.
“Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” - Jenny Seinfeld
"A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke."
Who On Earth Are You, Then?
Who On Earth Are You, Then? A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. The magazine wanted to show the heroic work of the fire fighters as they battled the blaze. When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved and arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him. He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!" The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air. The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer," he responded, "and photographers take photographs." The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"
A mother catches her 12-year-old son smoking in the backyard...
"Jimmy, I can't believe this! Smoking is terrible for you, and you're so young!" Jimmy replies, "Don't worry mom, I only smoke when I'm drunk."
An Experienced Genie
An Experienced Genie A man goes for a leisurely stroll on the beach when he suddenly trips on something and falls. Getting up, he notices he tripped on something metallic. He pulls it out and to his surprise it's an old lamp! He starts to brush it, thinking it might brings a few coins at the market, when suddenly a great rush of blue smoke comes pouring out of the lamp and becomes 7 feet tall genie! The genie thunders: "You have awakened me, Oh Master! You can ask two wishes of me, and I will make them come true." After a moment of shock, the man settles to think.  "Only two?" he asks. "I heard that it is usually THREE wishes!" "Look in your pants." said the genie. The man looks inside his pants and gives a shriek. "My God, I'm... I'm ENORMOUS!" "Not my first time." smiled the genie.
Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
So I was standing at a bus station having a smoke and I was horrified to see the bus leave the bus station without me....

I could have sworn I put the handbrake on!!
“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26
A man is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air.
A woman gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!"
The boy replies back: "Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors."
The female janitor at my office asked me if I would like to smoke some weed with her.
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women.
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
You should smoke some weed; it would make you feel high.
I was going to smoke a turkey this Thanksgiving.
But they banned flavored vapes.
But would they be stoned by the goalie?
No, they'd smoke it right between the pipes!
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
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