Grant

The slogan of a televangelist
"God will grant you all the money I need."
What do you get when you cross a dog and an octopus?

A reprimand from the Scientific Morals and Ethics Committee and an immediate cessation of your grant funding.
Mickey Mouse at Court
Mickey Mouse at Court Mickey and Minnie Mouse were at court for divorce proceedings. The judge told Mickey, "Look here Mickey Mouse, I can't grant you a divorce from Minnie!"  Mickey Mouse was stunned and asked, "Why not???"  The Judge said, "I've reviewed all the information you gave to the court, but I can't find any evidence at all to support the grounds that she is crazy!"  Mickey Mouse says, "Your Honor! I didn't say she was CRAZY, I said she was f**ing Goofy!"