Apartment

What type of apartment does a pun live in?
The pun-thouse!
My singing voice sounds bad in my tiny apartment.
It’s a little flat.
The Talking Clock
The Talking Clock Keith was known as a drunk to his friends. One night he was having a housewarming party for his new apartment. While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, Keith led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. "What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why, that's the talking clock" the man replied. "How does it work?" "Observe." said Keith, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "For bloody sake, you bastard, it's 2am in the damn morning!!!"
I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
A man gets up and heads off to work despondent that not one member of his family has wished him Happy Birthday. What an ungrateful lot he thinks.

When he gets to work his attractive secretary asks him what’s wrong and he explains.

“Why don’t I take you out to lunch to cheer you up,” she says.

After a lovely lunch and a couple of glasses of champagne, she says do you mind if we drop into my apartment on the way home.

Interested, he replies,” Sure!”

At her apartment she smiles, fixes him a drink, and then says, “I just have to slip into the bedroom for a minute.”

In a moment she’s back with a birthday cake, his family and all his friends.

And there’s him lying naked on the couch.