“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
~ Drew Carey
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan.
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours."
~ Arthur Baer
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
"Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking."
~ Anonymous
"Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy."
~ Huey Long
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” — Henry Kissenger
"The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit."
~ Dwight Morrow
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” — Bertrand Russell
Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” — Don Marquis
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” – Joey Adams
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.” –Unknown
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
“I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this believe into a real thing!"
~ Anonymous
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” – Dave Barry
“It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino