“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” – Ted Turner
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
"Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking."
~ Anonymous
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.” –Anonymous
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” — Don Marquis
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.” –Unknown
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” — Henry Kissenger
"Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get."
~ Ray Kroc
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” – Dave Barry
"The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit."
~ Dwight Morrow
“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” – Joey Adams
“Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” – Sam Ewing
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
~ Drew Carey
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
“Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."
~ Homer Simpson
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -Kin Hubbard
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
“We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us."
~ Anonymous
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
“I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this believe into a real thing!"
~ Anonymous
“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26
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