"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
“There’s something boring about people who have to go to an office for a living."
~ Karl Lagerfeld
“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” – Ted Turner
“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
“We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us."
~ Anonymous
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” — Bertrand Russell
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
“God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die."
~ Bill Watterson
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” — Groucho Marx
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
~ J. Paul Getty
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
“Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” – Sam Ewing
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours."
~ Arthur Baer
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.” –Unknown