“If you fall, I’ll be there. Love, Your Mat” -Unknown
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
“When in doubt, yoga it out.” – Unknown
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“Parents of newborn babies are basically hostages in their own house with a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome.” – Nate Smith
"Camping is a humanitarian effort to help feed hungry mosquitoes."
- Melanie White
“I’m not for everyone. I’m barely for me.”
Marc Maron
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!
Billy Connolly
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow.
“There is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.”
– John Ruskin
“I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, ‘Not yet, but we placed an ad.’”
- Dana Snow.
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
“Medidation, because some questions can’t be answered by Google.” — Inner Balance Wear
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
“You can’t have Thanksgiving without turkey. That’s like Fourth of July without apple pie or Friday with no two pizzas.” —Joey Tribbiani, Friends
“Sometimes I would like to be a child again, and other times a woman made of snow.”
– Deirdre Sullivan
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
"I asked my dad once, ‘How did you and Mum stay married for 33 years?’ And he said, ‘Well, we never wanted to get divorced at the same time.'"
- Gwyneth Paltrow
“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
George Carlin
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
“The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’”—Anonymous
By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
Charles Wadsworth
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
"The easiest time to fall asleep is just after turning off the alarm clock."
– Unknown
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
Bob Hope
I have Alzheimer’s bulimia – first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke.
“If you don’t like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.”
“A yawn is a silent scream for coffee…”
– Unknown
"It’s a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack."
― Germany Kent
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” - Groucho Marx
"Whoever says friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!"
— Bronwyn Polson
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
— Anonymous
“Never face facts; if you do you’ll never get up in the morning.”
— Marlo Thomas
The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.
Al Gore
“Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” - Jenny Seinfeld
“They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.” — Alexander Pope
"Don't make love by the garden gate - love is blind, but the neighbours ain't." - Anonymous
"So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea." - King Jaffe Joffer, 'Coming to America'
“Can he have this?” With first baby: “Is it organic and homemade?” After second baby: “He can have anything except narcotics and alcohol.” - Unknown
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
“A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
"Run like you stole something."
Unknown
Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in that bastard's reflection.
Lady Gaga
"Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line." -John Lyon
“Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” —Paula Poundstone
Go to BabaMail
