"Calming the mind is yoga. Not just standing on the head."
- Swami Satchidananda
"You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale." — Hussein Nishah
“At some point in life, the world’s beauty becomes enough.”
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says. He is always convinced that it says what he means. -- George Bernard Shaw
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” —Rodney Dangerfield
By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
Charles Wadsworth
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”
- James Baldwin.
“When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.”
- Erma Bombeck.
"There's always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it's just not being a turkey." -Unknown
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
“When asked about my hiking plan I answered “Let’s summit up”.”
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
Claude Pepper
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
Bob Hope
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
"Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run."
Jumbo Elliot
“I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died” — Malcolm Forbes
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
"A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows."
- Doug Larson
"I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn’t really a date-date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed." — Dave Attell
"It's a hill. Get over it."
From a runner's T-shirt
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic. -- Doris Egan
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
“Namastay 6 feet away.” – Unknown
“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?”
– Albert Einstein
"I never eat November’s snowflakes, I always wait until December.” – Lucy from television show Peanuts
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
"One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, nothin' can beat teamwork."
- Edward Abbey
“I’d like to publicly thank my husband [Dax Shepard] for changing half the diapers in our house. I hope he changes all of mine one day…”—Kristen Bell
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
“Medidation, because some questions can’t be answered by Google.” — Inner Balance Wear
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“I tried yoga once but took off for the mall halfway through class, as I had a sudden craving for a soft pretzel and world peace.” – Terri Guillemets
"Love thy neighbor, just watch out for thy husband." - Unknown
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
"Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing."
- Natasha Leggero
“It’s like kids can just smell when you start relaxing.” - Anonymous
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
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