"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."
― Margaret Mead
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." ~Aristotle Onassis
“Excuse me while I have a Pisces moment.”
— Patricia Lantz
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before.”—Rita Rudner
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
“Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.”
Ellen DeGeneres
"I went out with a guy once who told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, 'I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.'"
- Chelsea Handler
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
“I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn’t do what I wanted, I’d kill him.”
- Katherine Hepburn.
"I need summer to be longer so I have more time to do nothing"
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."
― Elbert Hubbard
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” —Henny Youngman
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
"Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it." — Phyllis Schlafly
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping." ~ Bo Derek
“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.”
—P.J. O’Rourke
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
“My daughter just lost her first tooth, which is a very sweet moment for a dad. In retrospect, I do regret punching her so hard in the face.”
- Alan Cox.
"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments."
— Bethenny Frankel
"Running won't solve all your problems. But then again, neither will housework."
Unknown
“I can’t cook a Thanksgiving dinner. All I can make is cold cereal and maybe toast.” —Charlie Brown
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
"I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel."
- Fran Lebowitz
"If love is the answer, could you please re-phrase the question?"
- Lily Tomlin
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Frank Sinatra
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked." — Erich Segal
“They say that there can never be two snowflakes that are exactly alike, but has anyone checked lately?”
– Terry Pratchett
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
“Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life!”
"Going on a hike is like having your car break down but on purpose."
- John Lyon
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." ~ Will Smith
“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.”
Anthony Burgess
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
“In spring we are on Earth; in summer we are on Earth; in autumn we are on Earth, but in winter we are in another planet; winter is another planet!” — Mehmet Murat ildan
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