“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” – Ted Turner
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" - Jean Illsely Clarke
"Parenthood is a lot easier to get into then out of." – Bruce Lansky
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
“Yes, I deserve a spring – I owe nobody nothing."
– Virginia Woolf
"I’m staying home today. I have mood poisoning."
“I heard about a trend where, this Thanksgiving, people made tiny turkeys. You may know them by their other name: chicken!” — Jerry Seinfeld
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” - Jerry Seinfeld
“An addiction to gardening is not all bad when you consider all the other choices in life.”
— Cora Lea Bell
"A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first."
"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."
“Aquarians are sort of unorthodox, original people — sort of wack, witty mad-caps who refuse to follow the crowd and go their own way.”
— Joanna Martine Woolfolk
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." — Andre Maurois
"What does the letter "A" have in common with a flower?
They both have bees coming after them."
- Kim Roblin
“I can’t get out of bed on days when the temperature is less than my age.”
“There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.”
Henry Kissinger
"When a man of forty falls in love with a woman of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own." — Lenore Coffee
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
"Love is a lot like a toothache. It doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there."
- George Burns.
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
“Have leftover Eggo waffles from your Eleven Halloween costume? We’ll show you how to make it into Thanksgiving stuffing. After the break.” — John Mayer
“What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” - Cindy Garner
"It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower, or vacuum cleaner." – Ben Bergor
“Gardener’s recipe: one-part soil, two-parts water, three-parts wishful thinking.”
— Anonymous
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
“I meditate and do yoga. I sit cross-legged and try not to levitate too much.” – Jeremy Brett
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
— Mark Twain
“This has been such a Monday! I wish I stayed in bed, and I wish that yesterday had never happened.”
– Lisa Mantchev
“My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way.” - Henry Youngman
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”
Charlie Chaplin
"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it." - Henny Youngman
“Finally, a Thanksgiving without a drunken uncle. Just me, my nieces and nephews and my bottle of Jack Daniels.” — Conan O’Brien
“The smallest snowstorm on record took place an hour ago in my back yard. It was approximately two flakes. I waited for more to fall, but that was it.”
― Richard Brautigan
You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
George Burns
"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
“The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.
– Mark Twain
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” — Ambrose Bierce
“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now change your Facebook status.”—Anonymous
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
Go to BabaMail
