"If you start to feel good during an ultra, don't worry, you will get over it."
Gene Thibeault
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"A good run is like a cup of coffee. I'm much nicer after I've had one."
Unknown
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
“No, please, don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!” - Homer Simpson
"Love thy neighbor—and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier." - Mae West
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“Life is like pocket money. You shouldn't spend it all in one place.”
― Julian Talbot
“If you start drinking now, Thanksgiving could be a lot of fun.” — Conan O’Brien
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“The bags under my eyes are Prada.”
"Runner's logic: I'm tired. Let me go for a run."
Unknown
"Technology is getting smarter and smarter: smartphones, smartwatches, smart homes… Only people remain stupid no matter what."
- Anna LeMind
“I’m not for everyone. I’m barely for me.”
Marc Maron
“Let a man walk ten miles steadily on a hot summer’s day along a dusty English road, and he will soon discover why beer was invented.”
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
“There. Right there is where you lost your darn mind!”
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoreta consultant.” – Scott Adams
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." - Chris Rock
“I was like, 'Am I gay? Am I straight?' And I realized... I'm just slutty. Where's my parade?” — Margaret Cho
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
“The smallest snowstorm on record took place an hour ago in my back yard. It was approximately two flakes. I waited for more to fall, but that was it.”
― Richard Brautigan
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts
“Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”
Jerry Seinfeld
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.” –Anonymous
“I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.”
– Bill Watterson
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. -- Fred Allen
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
“I have a green thumb. Got it when I dumped out my kale smoothie.”
— John Wagner Maxine
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“She is the only evidence of God I have seen, with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry.”- St Elmo's Fire
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight."
- Rita Rudner
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
— Oprah Winfrey
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“Yoga is too slow.” — Rob Gronkowski
"If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?"
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry." — Rita Rudner
“When in doubt, yoga it out.” – Unknown
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
“The road to success is always under construction.”
“July is a blind date with summer.”
– Hal Borland
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