“Gardener’s recipe: one-part soil, two-parts water, three-parts wishful thinking.”
— Anonymous
It's almost Summer! Time to find out what my friends with swimming pools have been up to since last summer...
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” — Homer Simpson
“To make a difference in someone’s life you don’t have to be brilliant, rich, beautiful, or perfect you just have to care enough and be there.”
— Unknown
"If you feel bad at 10 miles, you're in trouble. If you feel bad at 20 miles, you're normal. If you don't feel bad at 26 miles, you're abnormal."
Rob de Castella
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“I hate mornings and Mondays. And working. But other than that I am entirely happy.”
"A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke."
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
“A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawnmower is broken.”
– James Dent
I rang up a yoga instructor and asked which class I should take. She said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t do Tuesdays.” – Unknown
“Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.”
Ellen DeGeneres
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
“A snowball in the face is surely the perfect beginning to a lasting friendship.”
– Markus Zusak
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
“Help…I’ve ran out of weekend!”
– Unknown
"The closer you are to nature the further you are from idiots.”
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
Rodney Dangerfield
“I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.”
- Edith Sitwell
“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.” – Frank A. Clark
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
"The bravest thing that men do is love women." — Mort Sahl
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
"Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television."
Victoria Wood
“I don’t know what’s more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you’re doing.”
- Jim Gaffigan.
"A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished."
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
“Every time you feel yourself being pulled into other people’s drama, repeat these word: Not my circus, not my monkeys.”
Polish Proverb
“If you need me, I’ll be inside until April.”
“No one is full of more false hope than a parent bringing a chair to the beach.” – @simoncholland
“You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.”
Solomon Schechter
"They say true love hides in every corner. I must be walking in circles." - Unknown
"A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones." — Cher
"Is taco yoga a thing yet? Someone get on that."
- Chisty Lowe
“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.” JP Getty.
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.”
Jonathan Swift
If at first you don’t succeed . . . so much for skydiving.
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“Why is Monday so far from Friday? And why is Friday so close to Monday?”
“My nickname is ‘Mom’, but my full name is ‘Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom’.”
Unknown
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees, and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” – Rodney Dangerfield
"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“Kids are expensive, I didn’t even realize how broke I was until last year someone stole my identity and it ruined her life.”—Kate Davis
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
George Burns
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
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