"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
“Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines.”
– Enzo Ferrari
Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
“It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.”
Carrie Underwood
“Let’s face it, I only practice yoga because the classes are always packed with beautiful women.” — Adam Levine
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
"I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage." -Erma Bombeck
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan."
- Leopold Fechner.
"Summer does mean no school for my children. Hey, who doesn’t deserve a three-month break after a rigorous year of kindergarten?"
– Jim Gaffigan
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!
Billy Connolly
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel."
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
"Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees and then kindness."
— Nanea Hoffman
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits."
Anonymous
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.”
Samuel Goldwyn
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.” —Stephen Colbert
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"Life is short. Running makes it seem longer."
Baron Hansen
All my friends complaint about not feeling good, and are freaking out about their lives, and I’m just like, “There’s Yoga pose for that!” — Unknown
“If the winter is too cold and the summer is too hot, you are not a hiker.”
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”—Erma Bombeck
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."
- James Dent
“Some people walk in the rain; others just get wet.” – Roger Miller
If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.
Chuck Palahniuk
“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.”
Unknown
“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”
- Phyllis Diller.
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning." — Clint Eastwood,
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees, and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” – Rodney Dangerfield
"Do you wake up as I do, having forgotten what it is that hurts or where, until you move?"
– Jeanette Winterson
“Sign for a beginner’s yoga class: Enquire Within.” – Unknown
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
“Why do they call it ‘beauty sleep’ when you wake up looking like a troll.”
– Unknown
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
“I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
Jerry Seinfeld
“You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.” —Jay Leno
“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” —Zig Ziglar
Go to BabaMail
